What to look for in therapy?

~ Sharon Uthappa

Therapy focuses on mental health and its various conditions and arching towards mental wellbeing. This is a concept that India is slowly embracing by acknowledging the importance of the mental health of students in schools and universities. Many discussions have been had around the meaning of therapy, what it might look like, and the big unanswered question- ‘would I need therapy?’ I hope to answer all, if not most of the concerns, around the importance of therapy.

Licensed and trained professionals such as psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, or social workers; are qualified to address any mental health problems. Therapy (commonly also known as psychotherapy) includes well-structured appointments between the client and a trained professional (a therapist or psychotherapist) on vulnerable topics which cause them emotional distress.

Why therapy?

Therapy is that time and space that has been specifically designed for you to address your concerns. It is helpful because it creates a safe space for you to express your innermost thoughts and feelings about different events in your life. A therapist creates a therapeutic safe space for you. It is one without any biases (culture, religion, gender, etc.), judgments, and no preconceived notions on how life should look like for you. Remember, that you are the expert of your life. A therapist is only an impartial listener and would give suggestions or make observations when appropriate. But most importantly, the focus of therapy is to help you learn skills and techniques to help you cope with your mental health better.

Would I need therapy?

Therapy is for everyone. And it would be great if we all sort out therapy to cope with difficult life stressors. The assumption is that therapy is only for those with mental illnesses. Wrong! Perhaps, it is because of this mindset, there is shame and stigma attached to mental wellbeing. Therapy is for everyone- including people like you and me.

If you have experienced feeling sad, anxious, negative thoughts, stressed, overwhelmed, or irritable, then therapy is for you. It can help you understand why are you feeling a certain way and also help you with tools or strategies to cope with these feelings better. Therapy can also help with other mental health conditions such as drug and alcohol addiction, eating disorders, bullying, depression, relationship issues such as domestic and family violence, etc. Therapy can help unpack and let go of the past (or make peace with it), and help you be present in the here-and-now.

Safety precautions

When you try something new, you may understand the safety precautions or at least read the instructions! Same with therapy. If this is the first time that you are seeking therapy, then I have listed the ‘red and green flags in therapy’, that you may want to look into before you book your first appointment. Green flags are those indicators that allow you to identify that therapy is heading in the right direction. Red flags are to indicate what is not okay in therapy and maybe you need to terminate your sessions with that therapist immediately.

Green Flags in therapy

The goal of your therapeutic relationship with your therapist is centered on you- healing from whatever you have been carrying around for a while and moving forward. Green flags as mentioned before are indicators that are allowed in a therapeutic setting- between you and the therapist. These may include and are not limited to-

· The therapist being open and honest with you about their educational qualifications and credentials.

· You are treated as the expert of your life.

· You are given their undivided attention during the session.

· Your boundaries are respected. This simply translates to you being made to feel safe at all times.

· Your values and beliefs are respected at all times.

· The therapist strikes a balance between validating your experiences while encouraging growth.

· Your permission is asked for by the therapist to explore past trauma.

· Regular check-ins during sessions to check if you are okay.

· Your feedback is valued

· Your confidentiality is valued and respected. This means that what is spoken between you and the therapist, stays inside the session. Confidentiality cannot be violated unless you or person/s you know are at risk of harm or you have granted permission for a session to be recorded.

· Some sessions may feel difficult. Good therapy may feel challenging but manageable.

Red flags in therapy

As stated before, therapy and a therapeutic setting are meant to make you feel safe and comfortable. It is here that you process through your vulnerability. We try to be perfect and even the best ethical and effective therapists have their not-so-great days.

Having said that, some therapists are not suited for the profession. They are unethical, unprofessional, and lack the proper qualifications to sit in a therapeutic setting with you. Below are some of the ‘red flags’ that should not be tolerated in a therapeutic setting. These may include and not limited to-

· Therapists who refuse to share their qualifications and credentials.

· They do not respect therapeutic boundaries and may encourage the client to meet them outside the therapeutic settings.

· Inappropriate comments may be made during sessions leading you, the client, to feel uncomfortable.

· The therapist shares information about themselves and their personal lives rather than listen to you

· They make attempts to connect with you outside session hours or office hours.

· Their responses to your situations are judgemental and condescending of your choices.

· They seek a sexual and romantic relationship with you.

· They breach your confidentiality repeatedly. This can be either by sharing your session details with colleagues or friends without your consent and/or record your sessions without your consent.

· Your feedback or criticism is not accepted by them. They may sound spiteful and blame you instead

· They appear bored, distracted, and/ or sleepy.

Therapy needs to feel like a haven. As I have always maintained, there is no one- size- fits- all in therapy. This means that you need to find a therapist who would be the best fit for you and only you. You may find the best therapist in your first attempt or you're fifth, I encourage you to only settle for the best! Please do your research when looking for a therapist- look for licensed experts who are well qualified in their field. Therapists also have areas that they specialize in; see if it matches your needs. Like me! Please check out my qualifications in the 'About me' section. IF you think I could be your therapist, send me an email at info@sharonuthappa.com and we can take it from there.

Attending to your mental health is not selfish; it's only self-care! This means that you are putting yourself first. Seeking help for your mental well-being is a BIG step forward, and I hope that you would find a great therapist who could help you in this journey. Here’s to you for being brave!

p.s.- Many professionals have either done a 3-months or 6- months course offering therapy. Please stay away from them.